


Memories

by peachpalmcvlt



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Hinted Markson, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Men Crying, Mentioned Lee Minho | Lee Know, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad, Sad GOT7, Sad Im Jaebum | JB, everyone is crying, mentioned Kim Wonpil - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 16:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30075027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachpalmcvlt/pseuds/peachpalmcvlt
Summary: jaebeom remembers fragment of jinyoung in his life
Relationships: GOT7 Ensemble/Everyone, Im Jaebum | JB & Park Jinyoung, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> the words in _italic_ font are the jaebeom's memories of jinyoung

It’s 8 in the morning, too early for Jaebeom’s liking. His back is hunched over his computer as he checks his schedule for the day that his secretary sent to him via email earlier. A few meetings with some producers and idols in the company about the said idol group’s upcoming comeback album, Jaebeom wishes it to be successful and well-received from the fans that had been waiting for the group.

He can feel the pressure building, pressing at the back of his neck. “Dang it.” he mutters to himself.

Being the CEO and also a perfectionist producer in his own company, Jaebeom feels like everything is weighing him down. Not that he hates his work, don’t get him wrong, he is absolutely in love with his job and proud to say that he has achieved his dream. However, by looking at how everything is dumped on his shoulders, for being the top producer in South Korea and everyone wants to work with him, he can’t even think about rest and letting himself find a little fun outside of work.

Several playful knocks appear on his glass door, and by listening to the Super Mario themed knocking, Jaebeom can guess who is this person that feels like he is obligated to come and annoy him first thing in the morning.

“Good morning, hyung!” Yugyeom greets the older, too cheerful for Jaebeom who is not in the mood to entertain the male. “Eyy, hyung! Cheer up a bit! It’s a fine morning!”

Jaebeom sighs in distraught. “It’s too early to annoy me, Gyeom. I thought you had a meeting with the kids?” he asks the choreographer about his schedule with an idol group that was supposed to be learning their new choreography with him.

“It’s okay to be late for a few minutes. I can always use you as an excuse,” Yugyeom grins cheekily as he plays with the CEO’s name plate on Jaebeom’s desk. “Plus, Minho would already be there by now so I’m good.”

“Just because we have known each other since college, doesn’t mean I can let you loose and do whatever you want to do in here,” Jaebeom gives him the glare that makes Yugyeom whines. “Your whining won’t make me go soft on you, anymore. You’re gonna reach 30 soon, Yugyeom.”

Yugyeom’s whining goes louder while thumping his feet on the floor in disagreement. “Ah, hyung! I came in here not to argue with you! I’m bringing good news!” he nods vigorously as he sits himself on the chair in front of Jaebeom.

Not wanting to deal with the younger’s shit even more, he rolls his eyes and gestures his hand to Yugyeom to just spill it. “God, you’re such a kid.” The younger smiles widely and pulls the chair closer as if he’s going to tell Jaebeom a secret.

“Okay, so, Bambam, Jackson hyung and Mark hyung are coming back from their countries next week and I told the three of them that we are going to pick them up with Youngjae—”

“No.”

The harsh rejection is making Yugyeom flustered, his neck is turning red and Jaebeom notices the gesture still hasn’t changed whenever the younger is shocked. “But, hyung! I thought we, GOT7, are forever! Please?”

 _GOT7. God, that was the most stupid name they came up with_ , Jaebeom thought. Jackson came up with that name when they were hanging out together in college. It’s to show that they will always be seven, together even when their career path is different from one another. At least it was better than all of the suggestions the others had given— _GET7_ , _Seven-Eleven_ , _GAP7_ , _DAB7_ and so much more. Even had some sexual innuendos in the form of suggestions, Bambam just had the most _creative_ way of thinking, Jaebeom can give him that.

Jaebeom wouldn’t admit out loud that they were his most precious friends he ever had. The six of them complete his life, they were there when his parents got divorced, they were there when his mother remarried to his step-father, they were there all the time— happy moments or sad times, they were always with him.

“I’m hella busy, Gyeom. I’m sorry. My schedule is packed this week with the kids’ comeback. I’m included in their comeback album this time and my time is limited. I’m sorry.” Jaebeom sighs.

He hates it when he can see disappointment written all over Yugyeom’s face.

However, time isn’t siding with him. He is packed this week with the album preparations and the meetings with the other producers in the company. He doesn’t have the time to meet his long-lost best friends even though he feels like dropping everything just to run to them. He can’t risk his position as the CEO and also the producer in charge.

“Okay, hyung. I’ll tell Youngjae hyung about your schedules then we’ll let Jinyoung hyung know about it as well when we arrive at where he is placed.” Yugyeom says solemnly.

The name makes him turn stiff and rigid. **Jinyoung**. The name still rolls perfectly on his tongue as he tries to remember the male’s face. The moments he had spent with the younger, those fleeting moments, those days where their hands brushed by accident, those days they can feel the unresolved tension in between them but neither of them wanted to bring it up because they were afraid of the future.

“Hyung?”

“You know what, I-i… I’ll think about it.” Jaebeom blurts out immediately and turns his chair around, facing the large windows with the Seoul city in view.

Yugyeom knows he’s using his hidden card against the older this time. He knows Jinyoung and Jaebeom had a history, way far back then the rest of them appear in his life. Yugyeom knows there is still business that remains unspoken and hidden deep in both of their hearts. However, it was too late. The business remained unattained.

“Then, I’ll leave you to think about it, okay? Text me before the end of this week.” Yugyeom says and that is his que to leave when Jaebeom didn’t respond to him.

_Blinking his eyes to the sudden sunlight that decided to flash him as soon as he woke up from a nice slumber, Jaebeom groaned and rubbed his eyes in annoyance before pulling himself up against the tree trunk. His book laid open on his lap and his bag was on his back as a form of pillow._

_“Did I wake you up?”_

_Jaebeom blinked, staring up to the beautiful male who was blocking the sunlight that was hitting on his face. It made the male appear to be glowing, like an angel, if Jaebeom can think of a better word for the male._

_“You weren’t. Don’t worry.”_

_The angel, his best friend, or Jaebeom can easily say his own crush, Jinyoung, smiled in relief before moving away. His reading glasses slid down to his button nose, that made Jaebeom’s heart skip a bit, because he was so darn cute. Jaebeom wanted to kiss the plush lips Jinyoung was making when he brushed the dust from his old-fashioned clothes. God, even the way he dressed was making Jaebeom feel butterflies inside._

_Comparing himself to the younger male, he was dressed in baggy clothes with some famous rocker bands printed on the front and dangling cross and stars earrings that made him looked rough on the edge while Jinyoung with his brown wide pants and the stupid grandpa beige sweater that he bought at some shady shop made him looked soft and huggable. Jaebeom wanted to hug him, kiss him on the cheeks and that cute nose and those cute eye wrinkles whenever he laughs._

_“Hyung, you have another class in 30 minutes. If you don’t hurry, Prof. Kang won’t be too happy with it. You know her with late students, she thinks ruining her attendance book will ruin her reputation as the most prestigious professor in the entire campus.” Jinyoung huffed in pissed off tone with the strict condition the said lecturer had set up for her students._

_Jaebeom smiled. Even when he’s annoyed, Jinyoung looked cute._

_“Ah, I almost forgot! Hyung, are you coming to our show this weekend?”_

_Jaebeom's heart soared proudly. He knows Jinyoung has always wanted to be an actor since he first got to know the latter. When he finally got the opportunity to participate in the Art & Performance department weekly theater, Jinyoung was beyond ecstatic that he stayed up late just to memorize his lines and act. Even with the dark circles under his eyes, Jinyoung never does not smile. Jaebeom was proud, he won’t openly admit that he was and still smitten for Jinyoung and his antics._

_“Of course,” Jaebeom smirked. “I could never miss our future actor, his first acting career on stage.”_

_Jinyoung’s ears turned red, he was embarrassed but he couldn’t prevent his lips from smiling too wide. “Stop teasing me!” He elbowed the male away and Jaebeom’s loud rambunctious laughter echoed_

_“I wasn’t teasing, Jinyoung-aah. I’m proud of you, you know?”_

_Jaebeom swore he can see a glint of fondness and love twinkling in Jinyoung’s eyes._

;; 

Their soju glasses clink loudly as Yugyeom, Bambam, Youngjae and Jackson cheer in synchronization, while the two oldest in their group smile widely with their unchanging silly antics. Even after more than 10 years, they are still the same.

“Hyung,” Youngjae calls for Jaebeom who lifts his head, lips still smiling wide at the rest of the group. “A CEO? Waah, our _Jaebeommie_ hyung is successful nowadays.”

“True, true. Our _Jaebeommie_ hyung is popular too, you know? Every producers, artists and idols are coming to him, asking to participate in their albums.” Yugyeom smirks proudly.

“ _Jaebeommie_ hyung~” Jackson teases him while Bambam cackles too loud for Jaebeom’s liking and Mark’s smile is getting bigger, a sign that he is pleased to see his friend is getting teased after years of not seeing each other.

Jaebeom knows what they are trying to do; _Jaebeommie hyung_ , or just _Jaebeommie_ in general— Jinyoung was the only one who calls him that, in that same tone, just less teasing and less annoying than the rest of them tried to do.

“Why are you teasing me only? Jackson is also a CEO, in China! His company is much larger than mine!” Jaebeom mentions Jackson’s TEAM WANG company that he owned, proudly and still going strong till this day.

“Eyy, hyung! As much as I feel proud that you mentioned and acknowledging my career, tonight is actually about you!” Jackson pats Jaebeom’s back and pulls the man closer as he rolls his eyes with the never-ending teasing. “Where have you been, hyung? You rarely talk to us anymore. Even Yugyeom, who is literally working under you, have the time to exchange texts with us and call us.”

“I’m just… busy.” Jaebeom isn’t lying, but he knows half of his time in the office is just to ignore the unsettling nerve at the pit of his stomach.

Everyone knows about it but they didn’t prod much because they understand how much Jaebeom hurted before. With several solemn and slow nods, they continue pouring each other alcohol before Jaebeom lifts his head with a soft pained smile.

“But hey, let’s not bring the mood down, shall we? What’s your story, Mark? I heard your company funded a gaming team that brought victory in a tournament.”

Mark smiles slowly, he knows Jaebeom doesn’t want to tell his own story. With a soft laugh, he starts telling his own, animatedly and successfully pulling the others’ attentions towards him.

Yugyeom glances at Jaebeom who is sitting next to him. The older man had his hands clasped and his eyes unfocused, he isn’t even listening to Mark’s story and how Bambam is interested in learning how to game. Yugyeom’s hand reaches for Jaebeom’s shoulder and the older man startles himself with the sudden pat. He turns to look at the male, who is giving him a weak smile. Jaebeom can only smile back, pained written all over his lips.

“Hey, Yugyeom. Didn’t you tell us that you want to keep your hair longer?” Bambam suddenly asks.

The male scowls and pats at the crown of his fluffy hair. “Nah, it was much of a hassle.”

“Yeah, Gyeom. The last time you told us, you wanted to try a mullet, like Jaebeom.” Mark mentions the younger’s wish, which was like years ago, to keep his hair longer to cut it into a mullet.

“Eyy, everyone hated Jaebeom hyung’s mullet. There’s no way I’m getting the same hairstyle if I would just get hated.” Yugyeom covers the tail of his hair that is kind of getting longer.

“Well, yeah, the only one who didn’t hate the mullet was Jinyoung,” Jackson blurts out, gulping down the alcohol in glass but stops halfway when he can sense how Jaebeom’s face turns pale. “H-hyung, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine. Don’t sweat about it.” Jaebeom fakes a smile.

_A sudden coldness at the back of his head, made Jaebeom hissed in shock and pain prickled on his skin. He turned his head to the side and found Jinyoung smiling weakly at him as he retracted his hand from Jaebeom’s hair. The male slid himself on the cafeteria bench next to Jaebeom and dumped his bag on top of the table._

_“What were you thinking about, hyung?”_

_“Do you hate it too? Like the others?” Jaebeom asked softly, recalling how Bambam had yelled that the mullet was a crime against all of the other hairstyles that Jaebeom could’ve chosen._

_Jinyoung hummed, pretended to be thinking before shaking his head. “If you like it, then I like it.”_

_There’s no way Jaebeom couldn’t have smiled at that statement, especially how Jinyoung’s cheeks had bunched up and his eyes crinkled attractively. “Okay,” Jaebeom was lovesick, he even felt sick and butterflies at how smitten he was towards the younger. “I’m keeping it like this.”_

;; 

“Hyung, there’s something wrong with you and I know it,” Yugyeom says as soon as he sits on the couch. He looks at how Jaebeom is hunched over his desk with papers and film photos scattering all over the place. Jaebeom is in his trance, Yugyeom can sense it. “Hyung!”

Jaebeom sighs, not turning around facing the younger. He knows that Yugyeom has the tendencies to barge in his working studio, located just in front of his office.

“What do you want, Yugyeom?” the male finally speaks up.

“Judging from your sad track that was uploaded on your SoundCloud yesterday, I can tell that there is something wrong with you,” Yugyeom states. When Jaebeom doesn't answer him, the younger gets up from the couch and strides towards his hyung, a hand on Jaebeom's shoulder. “Hyung, tell me. Something is in your mind right now, right?”

When Jaebeom turns around to look at Yugyeom, the younger can see sadness and longing in his glassy eyes. “I missed him…” knowing that his hyung isn’t the one to cry often, seeing how teardrops are tempting to drop from his eyes is really a shocker.

“Hyung…” Yugyeom knows who Jaebeom is talking about.

“After the meeting with the others, I can’t sleep. I keep on remembering him. I can’t get his face out of my head. I want to meet him. I want to see him, Yugyeom. I missed him, I want to see his face, I want to hold his hands, I—” Jaebeom plants his face in his palms, forearms on his knees as he mutters to himself— “Fuck, I’m a mess. I thought I’m okay after that **day** , but I’m not!”

_“I’m going back to Jinhae.”_

_Jaebeom was shocked. He knows Jinyoung has been staying at the dorms, being independent to reach his dream and being far away from his parents. He knows, at one point he had to be far away from the younger and go back home to his family._

_“When?”_

_“… Next week.”_

_There was a hesitancy in Jinyoung’s voice._

_“You won’t forget about me, won’t you?”_

_Jinyoung looked as if he’s in pain. Words stuck in Jaebeom’s throat—How can I forget? You’re the only one I think about. He wanted to say that to the younger, but nothing came out._

_“Of course, I won’t. You’re my best friend,” Jaebeom flashed a sad smile. “You won’t forget about me too, right?”_

_Jinyoung grinned. “No, I won’t.” He looked like he's waiting for something to happen. Their thighs and arms were close, leaving no gap so that both of them can feel their warm bodies with each other._

_“I guess… this is the last, huh?”_

_“I wish this isn’t.”_

_The next day, Jinyoung was nowhere to be seen. Jaebeom trudges to the younger’s dorm room and finds his roommate, Wonpil, if Jaebeom recalled his memory, was the only one left in the room._

_“Where’s Jinyoung?” he asked. When the male told him that he already went to the train station to go back to Busan, Jaebeom bolted out of the place without even closing the door room and leaving Wonpil confused._

_Jaebeom reached the train station, just as the door’s closed and the announcement blaring throughout the subway. He swore he saw Jinyoung was sitting by the window with his earphones in. He looked sad and his head was hanging low. Jaebeom was chasing him but he couldn't seem to get the male’s attention to his effort and the train went fast, Jinyoung was slowly gone, far away from him._

_“I have so many things to tell you...”_

;;

Yugyeom winces in pain when Jaebeom holds his hand, so tight that he can’t feel his blood at all. “Hyung,” he calls for the older. “Hyung!”

Jaebeom focuses back and lifts his head to look at Yugyeom when the latter shakes his shoulders softly. “Huh? Yugyeom? What’s wrong?”

“Your hand. It hurts.” Yugyeom flashes him a pained smile and sags in relief when Jaebeom finally lets his hand go.

“I’m sorry,” Jaebeom shoves both of his hands inside his pockets as the elevator finally stops at its level. As soon as the door opens, he can see the columbarium entrance wherein the place is so quiet that the only visitors there are the six of them only. “Let’s go.”

The only noise in the columbarium are their heels hitting the tiles as all of them enter and approach the cinerarium with all of the urns placed. In Jackson’s hands, there’s a framed picture of the seven of them.

_“Yah! Yah! Gather around! I’m gonna take a picture!”_

_Jackson pulled everyone closer as he lifted the disposable camera that Jaebeom owned. Yugyeom and Bambam jumped in excitement to see the camera and pushed Youngjae and Mark forward so they fit in the picture. Jaebeom grinned widely, amused with his best friends’ antics while Jinyoung giggled at how the two youngests were fighting over the best angle._

_“Say, G-O-T-7!!_

Bambam’s shoulders shake as tears keep on rolling down his cheeks. Yugyeom’s face is really red as he tries to hold his tears, but seeing his best friend sobbing silently next to him, the dam just broke with tears. He has a book in his hand and it’s almost ruined with how tight he’s gripping it.

“Gyeom-ahh, unclench your hands,” Mark says softly, pulling the younger closer to him. When Yugyeom releases the book from his hands, the latter smiles warmly and rubs his back. “Thank you.”

_“Hyung!”_

_Jinyoung lifted his head from reading the book in his laps when Yugyeom approached him, eyes full of anticipation and the older man noticed that he’s looking at another book lying around beside him._

_“What’s wrong, Yugyeom-aah?” asked Jinyoung as he closed the book on his laps._

_The male fidgeted before plopping down next to his hyung. “If I tell you this, you have to promise me to not laugh at me! Okay?”_

_Jinyoung’s eyes filled with mischief but he laughed it off and nodded to the younger male. “Okay, Yugyeom. Now tell me. What is it?”_

_Yugyeom grinned and his finger slowly pointed at the other book lying on the ground. “Can I borrow this book?”_

_Jinyoung furrowed his brows as his lips almost formed a teasing smirk. “You? Reading?”_

_“Ah, hyung! Didn’t you promise to not laugh at me?!” Yugyeom whined, legs stomping on the ground like a child._

_“But I didn’t laugh! I was just asking, Yugyeom-aah,” Jinyoung chuckled, patting the latter’s arm before handing the book to him. “Don’t forget to bring it back to me after you finished the book, okay?”_

_“Okay!”_

“Hyung… I-i didn’t get to finish the book,” Yugyeom chokes, his voice hoarse from crying as he leans closer to Jinyoung’s cinerarium. “I’m sorry... I even forgot to give it back to you.”

Youngjae silently opens the glass door and lets Yugyeom put the unfinished book inside, next to Jinyoung’s urn. He then turns around to look at Jackson, who is still staring at their picture frame in his hands. His eyes are puffy, ever since he stepped into the room and his gaze fell on Jinyoung’s urn by the glass door.

Slowly walking closer, Jackson puts the picture on the other side, next to the urn, a soft pained smile adorned his wet face. “I hope you’re resting well.” He says before moving away, then he stands next to Mark who immediately holds his hand in reassurance. The older isn’t crying, but judging from his dark eyebags and red eyes, he did shed a few tears last night.

Then it’s Jaebeom’s turn. His hands are empty, and they’re shoved in both of his pockets. Standing in front of the glass door, Jaebeom leans closer and rests his forehead on it with a shaky breath.

“We’ll leave you guys alone.” Jaebeom heard Youngjae say to him before ushering others to leave the place. Jackson was making disagreeing noises, he doesn't want to leave, but he knows Jaebeom had something to say, privately, to Jinyoung only. So he complies and walks away with the others.

It’s quiet, as their footsteps slowly dimmer out of the hallway. Jaebeom smiles, pained and his lips tremble. “I’m sorry, I probably look like shit right now. It’s always like this. Every time I visit you here, I can’t stop being a miserable person. I’m sorry.”

Shifting on his heels, Jaebeom leans away, staring at Jinyoung’s urn then the picture of him placed there. “You’re beautiful. Breathtaking, I wish I could say that to you before you left for Busan, but I was a coward. It has been years, and I can finally say those words to you, but you weren’t here where I can hold you. I am still a coward. I can’t say it to your face. It’s just this urn that I’m talking to.”

Hands out of the pocket, Jaebeom opens one of his palms and presents a pair of silver rings, adorned with a date. “I don’t know what date I should put, so I put the day you approached me for reading Tender Is the Night, and you told me you liked the same book. We’ve been inseparable since.”

Jaebeom takes one and slips it on his finger before putting the other one inside the cinerarium. “I bought this last year. Believe me, I wish to marry you one day. I want to start a life together with you, have kids of our own and grow old together on our favourite rocking chairs. But you were taken so soon from me, the coward me who held his tongue from saying how much I love you.”

Sighing to himself, he closes the door and smiles. “The boys keep on crying each time we come to visit you. You must be laughing at their funny and snotty faces, weren’t you? Especially Yugyeom, judging how much you liked to tease and bully that kid before.” He laughs to himself before falling into silence once again.

“But I also will always say those words I can never get to say to you, every time I come here to visit,” Jaebeom takes a deep breath before nodding to himself. “Park Jinyoung, I love you, with all of my heart. There will be no one who is able to replace you in my life, neither in my heart. You’re the only one, I will always remember you, love you as much as if you’re still here, right by my side and smiling to me with those cute eye wrinkles.”

**Author's Note:**

> this account used to owned by my beta, Tuna, with the username tunachanlikesjjp, but she's continuing her studies so she passed it down to me, and she allows me to change the username to my liking. thank you my baby i love you i will talk to you later sksksk
> 
> this fic used to have a happy ending, but i was listening to _Kokoronashi_ by majiko and _Prayer X_ by King Gnu, and BOOM! i changed everything to aNGST ANGST ANGST


End file.
